Today's jokes [5.15.09]

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the
saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get
a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is battered
against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when........

  ........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a 
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION 
ALL" and farts loudly. 

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at 
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my 
wife." 

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese 
ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese 
ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast." 

Q: What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
A: The roof of his mouth.

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as 
their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.
They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"
The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

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