Today's jokes [5.13.09]
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A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in
the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when
we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue
after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see
These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one
lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push
over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous
direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse
over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round
and returned home an hour later from a completely different
direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.
Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in
hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this
The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie.
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."
At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys
severely and sent them to bed without supper.
In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast
table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their
father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"
"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned
that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd
chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he
told the truth."
"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the
cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"
The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination.
"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you."
The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not
"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing
expression, "I have some bad news for you."
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."
I said to the doctor "I have this ringing in my ears."
He said, "Don't answer it!"
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