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Today's jokes [5.13.09]

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A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend 
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in 
the Netherlands flag. 

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.  "We get red when 
we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue 
after we pay them." 

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see 
stars, too." 

1. 




These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one 
lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push 
over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous 
direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse 
over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round 
and returned home an hour later from a completely different 
direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.
Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in 
hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this 
afternoon?"
The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. 
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."
At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys 
severely and sent them to bed without supper.
In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast 
table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their 
father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"
"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned 
that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd 
chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he 
told the truth."
"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the 
cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!" 



2. 




The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. 

"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." 

The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not 
Mrs." 

"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing 
expression, "I have some bad news for you."

3. 




A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."

4. 




I said to the doctor "I have this ringing in my ears."

He said, "Don't answer it!" 

5. 



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