Today's stories [4.12.09]

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Lieutenant Colonel Rick Francona served as lead military translator during
America's negotiations with the Iraqis at the end of the Gulf War:

"Good morning, sir," Francona told an arriving Iraqi general one day. "I 
am Major Francona from General Norman Schwarzkopf's staff. If you will 
step out of the car, I will take you to meet the general, and we can 
begin."

When the general remained motionless, recalcitrantly glowering, Francona
leaned in closer and rephrased his request in Arabic slang: "Get out of 
the car, f---face."

The negotiations began shortly thereafter.

Of the Greek prime minister Plasteras, Winston Churchill once remarked:
"Well, I hope he doesn't have feet of clay, too."

Arrested In A Pumpkin Patch

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male,
resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 PM
Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious
behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County
Courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and
squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At
least I thought there wasn't." he stated in a phone interview
from the County Courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the
road, picked out a pumpkin that he thought was appropriate for
his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his
alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he
commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the
Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of
his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure", said officer
Taylor. "I walked up to [Davidson] and he's . . . just working
away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Davidson.

"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize what
you're doing with that pumpkin?'

He got real surprised as you would expect and then looked me
straight in the face and said: "'A pumpkin? Damn.... is it
midnight already?'"

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