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Today's jokes [4.25.09]

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What is New Jersey's state bird?


                    The common House Fly.

1. 




   Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a
   divorce on the grounds that her husband "beats her." The Judge,
   wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman.
   
   "Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every damn time !"


2. 




   Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient
   oil lamp in an ash
   can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it.
   Sure enough, out
   popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man
   spoke, his eyes
   bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of ass for
   the rest of my life!"
   The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.
   


3. 




How can you tell when your girlfriend's horny? 

    You stick your hands in her panties and it feels like you feeding a horse. 

4. 




How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you
.up the arse with her clitoris.


5. 



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