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Today's jokes [4.24.09]

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Question: What is every Amish
      woman's private fantasy?

       Answer: Two Mennonite!


This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.

guy: "Why are girls so pretty?"
God: "So you'll like them."

guy: "Why are girls soft?"
God: "So you'll like them."

guy: "Why are girls so dumb?"
God: "So they'll like you."


A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another 

"Why?"  asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this 

"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a 
chance to defend myself."


Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him 
that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in 
heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him 
a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.
Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who 
says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your 
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - 
St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, 
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the 
As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel 
says to the other,  "My goodness!  Fidel has been in hell no more than
ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"


There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- 
endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force 
doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to 
remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We'll just take a 
big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that 
would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the 
middle of it." They discussed this, and decided it would change 
the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of 
it." They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him 
erection problems.

The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who 
had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, "Can't we 
just make his legs longer?" 


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