Today's jokes [4.23.09]

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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.  They
are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished a jigsaw puzzle
   in only a couple of months?
A: Because on the box it said "from 2-4 years."

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch... 

    A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where
   they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting
   time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He
   quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly
   line just before the dolls were packed into boxes. On Monday they
   started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down
   because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to
   find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part
   but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination
   showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in
   the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his
   laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll
   Two----Test----Tickles."

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