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Today's jokes [4.16.09]

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The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He 
took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he 
proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money 
to provide you with anything your little heart desires."

"Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet. 
And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I 
might see my way clear to rent you some."


"Information.  Can I help you?"

"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."

"One moment, please."  Pause.  "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing 
for a Theodore Guild."

"No, no.  It isn't a person.  It's an organization.  It's Theater

"I told you, sir.  I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."

"Not *Theodore*!  *Theater*!  The word is *theater*.  

"That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."


Q. Why do men name their penises? 

A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.


Why haven't Women landed on the Moon? 

     - Because it doesn't need cleaning yet! 


After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a 
dog was declared cured.  A friend asked him how he felt now.  
The former patient replied, "Fine!  Just feel my nose."


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