Today's jokes [4.11.09]

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Whats a blonde's favorite surgery?

A Slipodictomy.

A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right 
into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he 
picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying 
the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says "thank you for not 
disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have 
a full supply of butter".

"Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hit
the ball into the pussywillows?"

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few
paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What
landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the
circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest
and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes." 

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said.  "I
don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the second man said.  "Only I know
them all."

A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian."
She wailed.
"How do you know it was an Italian? The detective asked.
"I had to help him," the girl replied.

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