Today's poems [3.21.09]

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There was a young lady named Rose 
                              Who'd occasionally straddle a hose, 
                                        And parade about squirting 
                                        And spouting and spurting, 
                              Pretending she pissed like her beaux 

                              She was seen by her cousin named Anne, 
                              Who improved the original plan. 
                                        She said, "My dear Rose, 
                                        In this lowly old hose 
                              Are all the best parts of a man." 

                              So, avoiding the crude and sadistic, 
                              She frigged in a manner artistic: 
                                        At the height of her pleasure 
                                        She turned up the pressure, 
                              And cried, "Ain't it grand and realistic!" 

                              They soon told the Duchess of Fyfe, 
                              And her crony, the alderman's wife; 
                                        And they found it so pleasing, 
                                        And tickling and teasing 
                              That they washed men right out of their life. 

                              It was tried by the great Mrs. Biddle, 
                              And she said to her husband, "Go fiddle! 
                                        Here's double the fun, 
                                        And you get three in one--- 
                              A ducking, a douche, and a diddle." 

                              It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle, 
                              Whose cunt was just made for a nozzle. 
                                        She said, "I admit 
                                        It's an elegant fit, 
                              But of course it won't do for the arse 'ole." 

                              It was tried by the Duchess of Porter, 
                              And passed on by her to her daughter, 
                                        Who said, "With a leman 
                                        You're fearful of semen, 
                              But a fuck's as effective with water." 

                              Thus writes Lady Vanderbilt-Horsett, 
                              Who invented the Lonely-Maid Corset: 
                                        "I thought all vicarious 
                                        Fucking precarious. 
                              I was wrong. It's a whiz. I endorse it. 

                              Soon in Paris, on the Boulevard Salique, 
                              You sould purchase (complet avec talic, 
                                        Pour soixante francs cinq) 
                                        A short hose and a tank, 
                              And they call it Le Fuckeur Hydraulique. 

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who spoke with a terrible stutter
To the waiter he said,
"Give me bu-bu-bu-bread
and some bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-butter."

Sent by Jennifer 

Smoking reefer didn't cause him to fail, 
               And that Lewinsky affair is a tale. 
                    These two things they will name, 
                    When the defense makes its claim, 
               That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale. 

Here's to old King Montezuma, 
               For fun he would bugger a puma. 
                    The puma in play 
                    Clawed both balls away--- 
               How's that for animal humor? 

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