Today's poems [3.12.09]
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I'm Glad I'm a Man
I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am, I am king
I don't live off of berries, bob-bons, and rings
I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections
I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell
I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel
I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such
and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust.
I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud.
I'm not all bitchy, annoying and loud.
I won't try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small.
My crdit card is still good when I leave from the mall.
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree
I don't believe every ad with the word free
I won't drink diet coke, or eat a rice cake.
There's no silicone here, my chest isn't fake.
My face isn't "lifted," my bra isn't stuffed,
I do what's proper, I leave the toilet seat up.
It doesn't take hours to fix up my hair,
I don't see the need to use the bathroom in pairs.
I won't throw a tyrade and then blame PMS.
I'm a man, and I'm glad I can deal with my stress.
I have intuition, I never get lost.
I share household duties, I won't try to be boss.
I'm a man and with that comes a high sense of class.
I won't wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass.
I won't go out at night in a black leather skirt,
Then slap anybody who just tries to flirt.
You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,
To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls.
I won't cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot
I don't make up false places, like the infamous "G-spot."
I'm a man of high faith, its my right to command.
The bible and God say all women must serve under man.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true--
I'm glad I'm a man and not a woman like you.
An indolent vicar of Bray
Kept his wife in the family way,
Till she grew more alert,
Bought a vaginal squirt,
And said to her spuose, "Let us spray!"
You've heard the tale of Robin Hood,
and how he did poor people good.
But there's more to this story,
of Sherwood forests pride and glory.
At night when all the robbing was done,
the merry men would have their fun.
In fact it would be fair to say,
the merry men were quite GAY.
As little John starts to unwind,
Robin takes it from behind,
and as they frolic in the grass,
Robin takes it up the arse.
One day when they were all at play,
a cute maiden came their way.
She walked up to Friar Tuck and asked
if he would like a FUCK.
Little John couldn't believe his ears,
she 's offering sex to al us queers.
As he recovers from the shock,
Robin presents her with his cock.
For Marian this was sheer bliss,
as he fullfilled her every wish.
When all was done she gave a whine.
Thanks boys for a lovely time.
But for this pleasure,
you must pay.
I've got pox have anice day.
Listen here said Friar Tuck,
we don't even give a fuck.
the jokes on you, you silly cow.
We've got AID's whose fucked now?
Sent by Gina
According to old Sigmind Freud,
Life is seldom so fully enjoied,
As in human coition
In every position
With the usual organs employed.
A horrid old lady of Summit,
Every time she got laid had to vomit,
And although she would groan
When her man got a bone,
"Give it here," she would say, "and I'll gum it!"
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