Today's jokes [3.6.09]

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Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? 

     - Chapped lips. 

   A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a
   triple scotch whiskey.
   
   As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, "That's quite a
   heavy drink. What's wrong?"
   
   After quickly downing his drink, the man replied, "I got home and
   found my wife having sex with my best friend."
   
   "Wow," exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple
   scotch. "No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on
   the house."
   
   As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him,
   "What did you do?"
   
   "I walked over to my wife," the man replied, "looked her straight in
   the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and to
   get the hell out."
   
   "That makes sense," said the bartender, "but what about your friend?"
   
   The man replied, "I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye
   and said, 'BAD DOG!'"
   

   After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple
   finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant.
   After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The
   new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel
   like honey ?"
   
   "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter
dick?

Nothing....  They all make your eyes water.

The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed 
postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. 
Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to 
inquire why.
They received this short and simple explantion: "The bag ain't full yet."

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