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Today's jokes [3.5.09]

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I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, the other is  a
mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our partners
by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We
agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me
with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said,
'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you' and we made  love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I 
was wearing the leather bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over
my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild
sex all night.

Then I shared my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the 
leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon
as he came in the door and saw me he said,
'What's for dinner, Batman?"


There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren 
behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns 
around and says "yes, no, yes, no....." 


How do you confuse a blond?
You don't, they're born that way. 


An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist 
attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:
"How large is the population here?"
"Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers
American, After a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"


Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
   Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
   you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
   one will answer.


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