Today's jokes [3.5.09]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, the other is a
mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our partners
by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We
agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me
with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said,
'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you' and we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I
was wearing the leather bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over
my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild
sex all night.
Then I shared my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the
leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon
as he came in the door and saw me he said,
'What's for dinner, Batman?"
There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren
behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns
around and says "yes, no, yes, no....."
How do you confuse a blond?
You don't, they're born that way.
An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist
attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:
"How large is the population here?"
"Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers
American, After a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31