Today's jokes [3.29.09]

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Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full. 

Q: What does a women do with her ass in the morning???
A: She makes him a sandwich and sends him to work....

A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has 
his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked 
how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaseline
on it every night." That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went 
to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?" "It's to grow 
hair." he replied. "Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair...I'd 
have tail a mile long!

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.
The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in
his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked
it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I
will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They
walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all
sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer
and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how
important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his
house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to
a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that
this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to
St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he
gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church,
and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the
Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But
we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first
lawyer ever to make it up here."

A strained voice called out through the darkened
theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" 

Several men stood up as the lights came on. 

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in
a date with a good, Jewish girl?"

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