Today's jokes [3.27.09]

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A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would
have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting
mannerism. He kept winking.
"Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references
and experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all the
time, it might put our customers off."
"No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of
it is to take a couple of aspirins."
So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to
see dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty
varieties and every known brand of standard condom.
"Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking
stopped at once.
"Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be
womanising all over his territory."
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married."
"Then how do you account for all of these things?"
"Simple, Did you ever go into a chemist winking all the time and ask for
a packet of aspirins?" 

A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped
to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he 
stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked:  "Sir, can you please
tell me where your library is at?"
The man looked down his nose and replied: "Son, I'm head of the English 
department, and I can assure you we don't end our sentences with 
prepositions. Re-cast your sentence in a proper form and I will reply."
"Can you tell me where your library is at, ass-hole?"

Sent by Randy

   One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a
   thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help
   her get the thorn out.
   
   The ant asked, "What do I get in return?"
   
   The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."
   
   So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out
   he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".
   
   The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The
   ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead
   drops a coconut on the elephant's head.
   
   "Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all
   bitch."
   

Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
          a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head 
so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
          b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
          c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a 
roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.

How is sex like air?

It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any. 

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