Today's jokes [3.18.09]
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A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, "how much?" she
replies, "$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up." He asks what the
difference is, and she tells him, "it's my hairdresser's fee!"
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor
invites her in to sit down.
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my
child and I'll love it regardless."
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs."
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless."
"And it hasn't got any arms either."
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In
fact, your child is only a very, very big ear."
"Oh my God! This is terrible! Well, it's my child, and I'll love it.
I'll learn all the lullabies in the world to sing to it."
"Mrs. Smith, one last thing.... Unfortunately, your child is deaf."
An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming
"Father," she said, "How am I going to tell my husband that I am still
a virgin?" "My
child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that
cannot be," he replied.
"Well Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted
to do was talk. The
next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it
tomorrow. The last one was
a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. But this time, Father,
I'm marrying a lawyer,
so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed this time!"
What is red and has seven dents?
Snow White's cherry!
Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .
Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
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