Today's jokes [3.17.09]

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Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
   forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
   overwhelming.
   But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to
   reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first
   doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
   But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality,
   "Howard. You're a veterinarian."

The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no 
time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted 
his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level 
managers.

"Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and 
slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a 
pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following 
sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to 
be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word 
mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so 
that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for 
two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new 
word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he 
deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone 
knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he 
typed. "Please send us two of them."

     How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 

     Seven...one to mix the batter and six to peel the M&Ms. 

A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always
comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for
some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away.
'I know why you are chasing after me... you want to know why I always
pay a quarter but never take an apple,' the man says.
The woman replies: 'No, I wanted to tell you that the price has just gone 
up'.

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