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Today's jokes [2.9.09]

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The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her
husband, "you know, You're really a lousy lover!"

Her husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"

1. 




A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I 
seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. 
clinic." 

2. 




Why is it estimated that only 99 percent of all people masterbate?

The other 1% were either taking the poll or answering the door!

3. 




An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After
a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first 
saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a 
me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here 
lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a 
my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no 
lickety split!"

4. 




At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking
what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even=
drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. 
"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I
can have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

5. 



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