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Today's jokes [2.3.09]

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Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the 
outside?
A: K9P.

1. 




A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the 
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of 
compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. 
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. 
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park 
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and 
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.

"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."

"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I 
have all the times and dates in my log."

"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that 
much fun." 




2. 




   A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on
   the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and
   brings it into the car.
   
   She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
   
   He says, "Put it between your legs."
   
   She says, "What about the smell?"
   
   He says, "Hold its nose."
   


3. 




Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress.
 How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old
man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.




4. 




In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern
and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the
lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,
lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do
ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

5. 



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