Today's jokes [2.26.09]

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Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he 
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he 
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and 
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the 
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, 
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same 
way." 

                          Democrats V. Republicans
                                      
                         What it all boils down to
     
   
ISSUE           | DEMOCRATS             | REPUBLICANS
-------------------------------------------------------------------
criminals       | Give them a second    | Give them the swift
                | chance                | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the poor        | Give them some food   | Give them the swift
                |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
endangered      | give them protection  | Give them the swift
species         |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
dictators       | give them a way out   | Give them the swift
                |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the uninsured   | Give them some        | Given them the swift
                | health care           | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the cost        | $9,000,000,000,       | $29.95
                |    000,000,000        | (cost of one sword)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
  

What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

(Q) Why don't blondes use vibrators?
 
(A) Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!

Sent by T.L.Glenn

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