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Today's jokes [2.24.09]

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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when
his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman 
he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few
years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.' 

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. 

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.


What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?

He put it on. 


If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and
Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one 
would win?

Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that 
harass is one word.


A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing
a young girl as she walked by the construction site.
She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.
Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"
The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when
even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?" 


   A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
   homosexuality and
   decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother
   first; so on his next
   home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
   herself stirring stew with
   a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had
   realized he was gay.
   Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
   "Well...yes." Still without looking up:
   "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?"
   Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
   affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the
   wooden spoon
   threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about
   my cooking


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