Today's jokes [2.23.09]
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Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !
Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =
the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi.
Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =
Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =
stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =
kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself.
"Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =
accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =
"Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking."
"Checking? Checking for what?"
Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: =
"Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to
give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken
farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns
out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The
neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't
easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new
neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer
said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh,
I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens.
I'll give you 100 more."
Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new
farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100
chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong?
What did you do to them?"
Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too
deep or not far apart enough."
A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart
and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it.
When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.
The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks
quietly, "Do you sell Viagra here?"
The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."
The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"
The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "Perhaps, if you took
five or six pills at once you might."
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