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Today's jokes [2.22.09]

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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the 
den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with 
my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.


Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was 
always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened 
to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to 
his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he 
went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the 
morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to 
work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you 


How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?

He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.


It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner

At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!


A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a 
gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as 
they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed 
detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and 
was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I 
was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of 
other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did 
*I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"


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