Today's jokes [2.20.09]
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their
conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I
come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country
we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to
The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the
bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at
The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's
been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not
worth so much celebrating!"
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they
would never have anything to do with women again. They
were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as
far north as they could go and never look at a woman
They got up there and went into a trader's store and told
him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one
year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each
one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur
around the hole. The guyssaid "What's that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no
women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The
trader said," Well. take the boards with you, and if you
don't use themI'll refund your money next year. "Okay,"
they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said
"Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"I caught him in bed with my board."
The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor
"Big Chief no fart." The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day.
The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, "Big Chief no
fart." The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten
pills an hour. The girl comes back the next day and says, "Big Chief no
fart." After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her
to give him a jar an hour. The next day the girl comes back crying and
says "Big fart no Chief!"
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