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Today's jokes [2.2.09]

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A man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the
bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other
one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the
same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what's
going on. "Why are you pouring that drink on your hand"? The
man smiles at him, winks and says "I'm trying to get my date
drunk."

1. 




Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library?

Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.

2. 




Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya 
know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing
seems to scare them away. 

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in 
the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the 
church... Haven't seen one back since!" 

3. 




A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when 
they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out 
of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He'd 
then jump back into the cab in time to drive away when the signal changed. 
The first fellow observed this for several miles, until he could stand it 
no longer. The next time the truck driver jumped out with the stick, the 
first fellow jumped out and ran up to him. "I'm sorry to bother you," he 
said, over the din of the banging, "but I am very curious; could you tell
me what you are doing?" Without breaking rhythm, the truck driver replied, 
"Sure, Mac. Ya see, this here's a six-ton truck but I've got eight tons of 
canaries aboard, so I've gotta keep two ton of them flying all the time so 
I don't break an axle".

4. 




why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

breasts don't have eyes



5. 



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