Today's jokes [2.16.09]

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Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one 
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple 
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He 
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on 
them. 
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his 
sight is restored. He touches the man in the 
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. 
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa, 
God! I'm on workman's comp!'

Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test? 

A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat. 

Q: Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?
A: To meet chicks. 

A tough case was being argued in court.  The defense attorney,
feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of
hundred-year old brandy.  The defendant was fit to be tied.

"The judge'll kill me.  Trying to bribe him!  We're dead!"

"I don't think so," his attorney told him.  "I sent it in the 
other lawyer's name!"

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the
older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know
I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it
on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to 
legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.

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