Today's jokes [2.14.09]
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Why did the pervert cross the road?
He was stuck to the chicken.
A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in bloody
restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman
had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that
they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with
passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to
the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her
down on the man's member and wrench it from side to side. In agony
and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head
until she let go.
A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.
Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa
application. The border official look s over his shoulder,
and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into
the small space labeled 'SEX'.
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we
mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.
The Letter D Pulls Out
LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET
Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet
NEW YORK--A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the
consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a
Children's Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet
will soon join the show's cast.
"The letter D is proud to have brought you many wonderful Sesame
Street episodes throughout the program's 28-year history," said
Patricia Willis, public-relations director for D. "But the letter D
does not condone the sort of morally questionable lifestyles that
Sesame Street is advocating with the introduction of this new
character. It can no longer in good conscience associate itself with
the show." Willis said D's withdrawal is effective immediately, and
applies to both capital and lower-case versions of the letter.
The gay muppet, "Bruce," will be introduced on Sesame Street Dec. 23,
CTW director Leslie Charren said. Thus far, no other sponsors have
pulled out, though the number seven has requested an advance tape of
the episode before it makes a decision.
Many public-television insiders believe D's withdrawal was motivated
by a desire not to alienate religious conservatives, a section of the
population that employs the letter frequently.
"D is for, among other things, demagoguery, dogma and doctrine, words
crucial to right-wing groups like the Christian Coalition," said Yale
University political-science professor J. Wright Franklin. "It is
likely that D felt it could ill afford to offend such a large segment
of its users."
While a long-term replacement for D has not yet been secured by Sesame
Street, the number three will temporarily fill in for it in a number
of the show's animated shorts. Other pieces will simply skip from C to
E, with vocalists stretching out C into two syllables to match the
rhythm of the alphabet song.
Sesame Street is stung by the sudden departure of its longtime
supporter. Speaking to reporters, cast member Cookie Monster said: "Me
disappointed letter D choose to end relationship with Sesame Street
due to pressure from extremely vocal minority. We accused of endorsing
deviant lifestyle. Me say homosexuality natural, not immoral.
Diversity and enrichment. That's good enough for me." ----------------
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?
A: It's easy, he's the one with the sesame seed buns!
How does a women hold her liquor?
By the ears.
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