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Today's jokes [2.12.09]

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Rejection Letter Reject

Ever wonder what to do when those rejection letters start piling
up?  Well here's a suggestion:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - Cut Here - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Date Today]

Dear Mr. Kennelly:

Thank you for your letter of April 17.  After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept
your refusal to offer me employment with your firm.  This year I
have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all

Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection
does not meet with my needs at this time.  Therefore, I will
initiate employment with your firm immediately following
graduation.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.


[Your name here]


The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were
shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's
oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous
blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,
the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife
like that?"
The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"


   A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she
   sufferred from excessive
   flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done
   nothing about it until
   now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history,a process that
   took quite a while. At
   the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting
   here talking to you
   I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell." At
   this point, the Dr.
   scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the
   woman. "What's
   this?" she asked, "some pills?" "No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a
   prescription for a
   hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."


A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same 
sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both 
manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to 
bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly 
pass me another blanket." 

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better 
idea... let's pretend we're married." 

"Why not?" giggles the woman. 

"Good," he replies.  "Get your own blanket." 


Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a 
woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, 
it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and 
Mike are having a conversation. 

She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and 
bad news for you. Which would you like first?" 

Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news." 

She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."


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