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Today's jokes [2.11.09]

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Is Windows a Virus?



No, Windows is not a virus.  Here's what viruses (viri?) do:

1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
   as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,
   Windows does that, too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
   programs and systems.  Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too
   slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.  Yup, that's with
   Windows, too.

   Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
   differences:  Viruses are well supported by their authors, are
   running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and
   efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they
   mature.

So, Windows is *not* a virus.



1. 




Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol 
(who is very religious),
"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and 
house her?"
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. 
Schwartz.
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol 
is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him 
and he already thinks I'm God."

2. 




Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had
given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and
a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning
to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

Sent by Zena

3. 




A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when
all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close.
"Oh, no, it's my husband!"
The man says, "Where's your back door?"
"We don't have a back door" says the woman.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"

4. 




Q: Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
A: So they push back harder.


5. 



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