Today's jokes [2.1.09]

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Why do elephants have 4 feet? 

    -Because 4 inches isn't enough. 

The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. 
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up 
into the sky and tell me what you see." 

The CO said "I see millions of stars." 

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?" 

CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of 
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells 
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. 
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day 
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?" 

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent." 

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his
left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache
and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour
later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever
tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?" 

The doctor took Bill into the room and said,
"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." 

Bill said, "Give me the good news." 

"They're going to name a disease after you." 

    Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our
   program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and
   brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job.
   We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might
   be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet
   rewarding program?
   Check this out:
   * Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of
   the hottest city in the world!
   * Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
   * See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
   * Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
   Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former
   intern: "I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job
   answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the
   president. ...Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just
   fantastic."- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif. As you can see, being
   a White House intern is more than long hours, hot debates and touchy
   national issues. Still interested? Fill out this information form and
   send it to the White House at [3]president@whitehouse.gov 
   Name:
   Hometown:
   Sex: F__
   Age:
   Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
   How many beers it takes to get you... ...Giggly: ...Drunk: ...Hot:
   ...To lie to a federal prosecutor:...
   You've always considered the White House: a) a monument to democracy
   b) the place where great leaders meet c) vaguely erotic d) extremely
   erotic
   Hillary Clinton is a(n): a) model wife and mother b) icon of late 20th
   century femininity c) an obstacle d) inappropriate companion for the
   leader of the free world
   You've always wanted to know more about the President's: a) Israeli
   policies b) childhood in Hope, Ark. c) romper room d) "monument to
   democracy"
   My social life as an intern would likely consist of: a) hitting
   Georgetown bars with the other interns b) reading, study c) late
   nights working at the White House d) late nights working the White
   House
   Score 1 point for each a, 2 for each b, 3 for each c, 4 for each d.
   Scores of 16 can start tomorrow. Scores of 12 and above, please call
   soon, Uncle Sam wants you.
   *Please feel free to forward this form to anyone you know who might be
   interested in this program. The White House is an equal opportunity
   employer.

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