Today's stories [12.18.09]

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On Campus:
"In a rare lapse of generosity, the NCAA has decided college
athletes can get jobs. This statement was sent via ship-to-shore
cable from the NCAA yacht SS TV Revenue anchored off Monte Carlo." 

"Athletes just can't make it anymore on what alumni give them," says Alan Ray. 

The FBI released more formerly classified files.
Among 15,000 pages newly available to the public
were in-depth reports on organized crime and
anti-communist groups an several Victoria's Secret
catalogs addressed to JE Hoover. 

Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of 83.
Leakey was buried near her home, where she will rest in
peace, until some nosy anthropologist digs her up. 

- Norm MacDonald 

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