Today's jokes [12.29.09]

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A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken
to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your 
secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" 
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey,
my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you
wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very
efficient." 

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed
her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went
though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher
and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an
airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the
news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what
happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door
and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out
of the plane!" Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet.
Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw
them out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. 
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man
left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He
told be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt." "So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto 
the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The
Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds.
He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?´ I said, `No, sir.
I´m too scared.´ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took
his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around
as a baseball bat! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or
I´m sticking this little baby up your ass.´" "So, did you jump?"
asked the father. 
"Well, a little, at first. 

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong
well after midnight when one of the players returned from
the bathroom with an urgent report. 
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen
making love to your wife." 
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively
the last deal." 

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the
   other side.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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