Today's jokes [12.22.09]

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What's green and has wheels?



A Frog

I lied about the wheels

Q.      Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A.      It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

God Meets Bureaucracy

In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced
with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact
statement.  He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was
stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part.  Appearing at
the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first
place.  He replied that he just liked to be creative.

Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded to
know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about
thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball
of fire.  God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming
that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain a
building permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half the
time.  God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness
"Night." Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as manyseed."
The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let waters
bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over
the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval from the
Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and
the Audubongelic Society.

Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in six
days. Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review the
application and the environmental impact statement. After that there would 
be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before...

At this point God created Hell.

New secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told in
official tones: "This is the phone company.  We are testing a new
circuit wiring scheme in your offices.  Please keep everyone off the
phones for the next 10 minutes.  We will be verifying the correct wiring
of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires.  Instruct your
employees to place their phones on the floor, or, better yet, wrap them
in towels to avoid scalding themselves.  We will advise you when the
tests are complete $click$"  After momentary panic, the secretary begins
a frenzied "Paul Revere" routine, running from desk to desk while
glancing frequently at her watch.  Just as the 10 minutes are about up,
she bursts into her boss's office (while he is in the midst of an
important long-distance call) and, screaming, grabs the receiver from
his hand and flings the whole phone under his desk...

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