Today's jokes [12.21.09]

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Three college roommates -- two females and a male -- began
to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes.
"All right," one of the girls said, "the first one to speak has to
do them."
The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their
neighbor, a school football star, came by, the three remained
silent. The visitor shrugged and led one of the girls into her
bedroom.
Forty-five minutes later, the young man emerged and
approached the second girl. Through sign language, they
agreed to adjourn to her bedroom.
When he came out, he began to fix himself a cup of tea but
burned his fingers on the stove.
"Hey, where's some petroleum jelly?" he hollered from the
kitchen.
"Oh, hell!" the male roommate said, jumping up. "I'll do the
dishes."

"Great, just what I need," she moaned as he brought
home a new microwave oven. "One more thing that heats
up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds." 

Question: What is the most popular pick up 
          line in a gay bar? 

Answer: Can I push your stool in?

Three guys are discussing women.
"I like to watch a woman's tits best," the first guy says.
The second says "I like to look at a woman's ass."
He asks the third guy "What about you?".
"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head." 

Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =
the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi.

Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =
Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =
stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =
kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself.

"Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =
accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =
believe, man?"

"Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking."

"Checking? Checking for what?"

Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: =
"Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"

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