Today's jokes [12.20.09]

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   Three guys are applying for a job with the CIA. They get all the way
   to the final test.
   
   So the first guy walks into the director's office and sits down. The
   director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. He lays it on his
   desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your
   loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room
   on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head."
   The guy looks at him and says, "No way." So the director says, "You
   fail."
   
   The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy
   picks up the gun and heads for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes
   later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go through with it.
   The director says, "You fail."
   
   So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room.
   The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass
   breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up
   and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?"
   Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in
   the gun so I had to choke the bitch to death."
   

The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was
aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.
"Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old
blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn
stuck up her cunt!"
"Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant
opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's
her clitoris"
"Are you sure?", said the assisitant,
"'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn". 

What did the boy with a long tongue and big
lips say to his mom as he was masturbating? 

    "look Ma', no hands" 

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes. 

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?" 

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