Today's jokes [12.19.09]

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A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during
confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.
"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you 
feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't 
sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that 
I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I 
do?"

"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." 

Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? 

     Because they don't want to wear out the donkey. 

You know you're in a small town.....

-  when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

-  if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
   merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

-  if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail
   at you

-  if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

-  when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

-  if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

-  if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping.
His tears are streaming down his cheeks.
An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him.
"What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?"
"It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four
little kittens we had yesterday!"
"That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your
father is a real bastard!'
"Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that
I could do it."

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