Today's jokes [12.17.09]

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Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?


                    Her knickers fit her like a glove!

There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely 
beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically 
trying to climb up.
While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, 
"God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless 
you both," and then kept on walking.
One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the 
other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the 
bible."
The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck 
all about shark fishing."

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the
older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know
I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it
on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to 
legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.

   A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
   the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the
   wife went on the ride by herself.
   
   The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out
   and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
   
   "Are you hurt?" he asked.
   
   "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't
   wave once!"
   

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty 
thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run 
naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that.
Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy 
& Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed 
ironing."

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