Today's jokes [12.14.09]

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A guy is driving around the back of the old country and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the dog replies.     

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The dog looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do
some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for
the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'

Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
A: In France.

Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol 
(who is very religious),
"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and 
house her?"
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. 
Schwartz.
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol 
is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him 
and he already thinks I'm God."

Q: Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
A: So they push back harder.

What do you get if you sleep under a cow?

A PAT on the head.


Sent by Jimmy

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