Today's jokes [12.13.09]

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   An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
   It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor
   arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year
   old child.
   
   The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
   while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
   mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new
   born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take
   his first breath.
   
   "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there
   in the first place!!"
   

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking
what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even=
drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. 
"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I
can have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

A: She unties you. 

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises
coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked
down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to
the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom
light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and
saw his father removing a used condom.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.
His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell
his son.
I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice."
replied his father.
Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said,
"Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?" 

Here's a pretty nasty one:

Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?

The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.

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