Today's stories [11.4.09]

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    The following are actual stories told by travellers from
   Mendocino County, CA to travel agents in the UK. (And you wonder why
   US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on
   geography...)
   A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
   wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
   ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
   Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. >
   I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
   A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
   over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
   California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
   I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
   explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she
   interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid but
   Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like
   the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
   Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
   A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
   various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had her
   fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New
   Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and that
   New Orleans was a suburb of LA Worst of all, when I called her back,
   she was not even embarrassed.
   I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England from
   Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
   Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
   pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
   Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
   heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
   gates to save time."
   A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
   her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.
   I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but
   she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her
   the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
   A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
   on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No,
   why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
   airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
   overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
   minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back
   and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
   was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
   I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
   plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
   replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes
   have numbers on them."
   A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
   computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
   commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
   A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed
   in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports,
   I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China
   many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and
   sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
   "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted
   my American Express."


  

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

   Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
   currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
   Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support
   employee:
   "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
   "What sort of trouble?"
   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
   away."
   "Went away?"
   "They disappeared."
   "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
   "Nothing."
   "Nothing?"
   "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
   "How do I tell?"
   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
   "What's a sea-prompt?"
   "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
   "What's a monitor?"
   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
   have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
   "I don't know."
   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
   cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
   "Yes, I think so."
   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
   the wall."
   ".......Yes, it is."
   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
   "No."
   "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
   other cable."
   ".......Okay, here it is."
   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
   of your computer."
   "I can't reach."
   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
   "No."
   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
   dark."
   "Dark?"
   "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
   from the window."
   "Well, turn on the office light then."
   "I can't."
   "No? Why not?"
   "Because there's a power outage."
   "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
   still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came
   in?"
   "Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."
   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
   was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
   from."
   "Really? Is it that bad?"
   "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
   "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


  

"Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically
   to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets
   and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is
   to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
   test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about
   the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new
   high-speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired,
   the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel,
   crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
   crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest
   in two and embedded itself in the back of the cabin. Horrified, the
   Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with
   the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for
   suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "Thaw the
   chicken."


  

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