Today's poems [11.15.09]

Vote for the poem that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to poem categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your poem reading.

There was a young fellow named Simon 
            Who tried to discover a hymen, 
                But he found every girl 
                Had relinquished her pearl 
            In exchange for a solitaire diamond. 

If the river was made of whiskey,
And I a diving duck,
I'd swim down to the bottom,
And drink myself back up.

Sent by Amy

A pretty young gal from Hong Kong
Said "I think you are utterly wrong
To say my vagina's
the largest in China
Just because of your mean little dong!"

George Michael re-releases

Careless Wrister

And I'm never going to wank again,
Guilty nobs have have got no rythm
Though its easy to pretend
I'm standing on a stool.

Should have known better than to wank in bogs,
Stood in shit and covered in jism,
So I'm never gonna wank again,
The way I wanked with you oo ooh.

Bog Tropicana

Let me take you to a place,
Where gays will come upon your face,
If you want them to,
And if you stand upon a bag,

They'll do things that will make you gag,
As you sit upon the loo,
Bog Tropicana sex is free,
Bums and gism, there's enough for everyone,

And if you like cock just like me,
You can meet them, they all want you!
nice....

Young Bums (Go for it!)

Hey Sucker!
(Who the hell's been up your flue?)
Hey Fucker!
(Where's the nearest public loo?)

Well I hadn't seen your arse around town, a while
So I greeted you, with a knowing smile
When I saw that chap upon your lap
I knew he'd taken your length, bent over the taps

I said: "Big boy, what's with the frown!"
I said: "Big boy, you better take my cum down."
And in return, I gladly heard you say,
"Fuck me George, I wanna play."

Young Bums
Having some fun,
Crazy Bikers take 'em on the run
Wise Bi's realize, when they see my jiz dripping down your thighs

Whip me, sting me like a bee
No tears, just cheers, and beastiality
One Two, on your cock I wanna chew,
Death by masturbation!

Hey Sucker!

.....and so on, and so on....

               Ethnologists up with the Sioux 
               Wired home for two punts, one canoe. 
                    The answer next day 
                    Said, "Girls on the way, 
               But what the hell's a 'panoe'?" 

By voting you are helping select today's best poem. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best poems to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Stories Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   November '09 Poems Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30