Jokes2Go @ Lunch [11.21.09]

Chinese Subtitles



From a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, Compiled
by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book *Sex & Zen & a Bullet in
the Head*, to be published in August by Fireside. Cited in Harper's, June
1996.

I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

You always use violence.  I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

I have been scared shitless too much lately.

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too." 

A widow whose singular vice 
               Was to keep her late husband on ice 
                    Said, "It's been hard since I lost him--- 
                    I'll never defrost him! 
               Cold comfort, but cheap at the price," 

"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." 

GW Hegel.