Today's jokes [11.13.09]

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She: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?"

He: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind." 

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes 
flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his 
head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to 
the front door and starts pounding on it. 

An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to 
knock so loudly.

The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?"

The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your 
business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended 
son-in-law are upstairs."

The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I 
just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out 
the window!"

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar
and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain 
admission.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and
discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables 
in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to 
fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over 
for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - 
just don't start anything."

With a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked,
"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" 
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." 
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" 
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when
we made her." 
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" 
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.",
She explained. The Mother Indian paused for a moment then
asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" 

A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in a box!

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