Today's stories [10.18.09]
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Microsoft Corp announced that they would purchase the
source the PenPoint operating system for the value of
one of Bill Gates eye-lashes (est. value $1.3 million).
Gates was quoted as saying "we are only doing what the
consumer has asked us to do: ship huge, bloated,
bug-ridden programs while using every trick in the book
to kill our competitors. As an example of our progress,
consider Windows CE which paints the screen slower on a
75 MHz MIPS RISC processor than the 16 MHz 68000 in the
Palm Pilot, while sucking the batteries dry in a tenth
Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person
from a long distance company. They asked for my late father
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the situation
Noted Dough Boy Dies
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday
of a severe yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday
in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of
celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the
California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours,
as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy,
describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie,
and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still,
even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children,
and... one in the oven.
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