Today's poems [10.7.09]

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               While spending the winter at Pau 
               Lady Pamela forgot to say "No." 
                    So the head-porter made her 
                    The second-cook laid her; 
               The waiters were all hanging low. 

A lady on climbing Mount Shasta
Complained as the mountain grew vaster,
That it wasn't the climb
Nor the dirt nor the grime
But the ice on her ass that harassed her. 

A man loved a gal named Bundy
Who came from the Bay of Fundy.
But to his despair,
She gave him the air
Sic transit gloria mundi. 

            Remember those two of Aberystwyth 
            Who connected the things that they pissed with? 
                She sat on his lap 
                But they both had the clap, 
            And they cursed with the things that they kissed with. 

Redneck family tree

     Many many years ago
     when I was twenty three,
     I got married to a widow
     who was pretty as could be.

     This widow had a grown-up daughter
     Who had hair of red.
     My father fell in love with her,
     And soon the two were wed.

     This made my dad my son-in-law
     And changed my very life.
     My daughter was my mother,
     For she was my father's wife.

     To complicate the matters worse,
     Although it brought me joy,
     I soon became the father
     Of a bouncing baby boy.

     My little baby then became
     A brother-in-law to dad.
     And so became my uncle,
     Though it made me very sad.

     For if he was my uncle,
     Then that also made him brother
     To the widow's grown-up daughter
     Who, of course, was my step-mother.

     Father's wife then had a son,
     Who kept them on the run.
     And he became my grandson,
     For he was my daughter's son.

     My wife is now my mother's mother
     And it makes me blue.
     Because, although she is my wife,
     She's my grandmother too.

     If my wife is my grandmother,
     Then I am her grandchild.
     And every time I think of it,
     It simply drives me wild.

     For now I have become
     The strangest case you ever saw.
     As the husband of my grandmother,
      I am my own grandpa!

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