Today's jokes [10.9.09]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see
a small boy eating an ice cream.
The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?"
To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"
A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.
On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an
inflatable sex doll?
Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.
Q: What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he
leaves the factory?
A: Two Test Tickles
I can't resist a few:
1. Once you have stolen a dormmate's room keys, the room is yours to
plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock
(so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer
who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to the
victim you own the keys, but "let" them win the race back to their
room. PRESTO! Locked inside their own room (with no keys). If
you've fixed the phone to continually ring, they get very pliable
after about 10 minutes.
2. We connected our secretary's electric typewriter to a variac (can
vary the line voltage). At about 40-50 volts (out of the 110)
the little ball makes three or four jerky attempts before finally
striking a faint imprint. Fairly pathetic looking, actually.
3. Reverse the horizontal yoke leads on terminals (so the text comes
out backwards from right to left). This works best on a software
team who thinks they have just released the firmware for screen
drivers. Besides, hardware people figure it out too quickly.
4. Hand lotion inside of an air hose on the final assembly line is
effective, but very vindictive. Use with caution (now, I'm not
saying I ever did this, but I "saw" it done once :-)
And the standard saran wrap across women's toilets, Karo syrup, flour in
the shower, water-filled surgical tubing jammed in a drawer....ah, for
the good old days!!
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31