Today's jokes [10.3.09]

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The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, 
thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and 
inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no 
feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let 
me be yours?

Gloria

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, 
thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and 
inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no 
feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you 
let me be?

Yours,
Gloria

What happens when you sing country and western music backwards?

You get your wife and your job back.

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the 
church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - 
that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. 

"Gladly," responded the good man. 

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at 
once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends 
his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in 
which it was given."

One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side,
it had snowed during the night and everything was
covered in snow.  He looks down and sees something
written in urine on the lawn it reads
"I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD".

Bill calls the FBI and says "Someone has written "I
hope you get impeached" in urine on my lawn. For them
to write it in the spot it's in they would have had to
be on my deck.  Please help me find this criminal."

The FBI agrees and comes back a week later. "Well Mr.
Clinton we did DNA , urine and handwriting tests.  Do
you want to here the bad news or the awful news first."
Bill sighs "bad I guess".

"The urine belongs to Al Gore" Bill grabs his chest "Oh!
Al, my best friend my partner, my vice president...What's
the awful news?!"

The FBI agents look at each other...
"The hand writing was Hillary's"

Q: Why do female parachutists wear tampons? 
A: So they don't whistle on the way down...

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