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Today's jokes [10.29.09]

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A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle
nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber
being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is
the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are
manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait
a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss,
hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the
guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

1. 




   An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room
   everyday. While
   there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's
   penis. One day she goes
   down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another
   women holding his
   penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a
   large smile on his
   face and replies "Parkinson's"
   


2. 




    A Blonde
   A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
   decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
   She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
   told him, "I've kidnapped you."
   She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
   morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
   next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
   Blonde."
   The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home
   to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and
   sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The
   Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
   "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"


3. 




What's the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

4. 




The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.



5. 



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