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Today's jokes [10.26.09]

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   A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the
   usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked.
   "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."


An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small 
town.  One day she went to the local grocery store and while 
she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her 
clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her 
garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn't find 
any money.  Well, a couple of hours later the old laty got 
home and when she saw what had happened to her house she 
immediately called the police. When the officer on the other 
end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was 
she simply replied "yes officer someone broke into my house, 
took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my 

Sent by BIG GUY


   Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up
   alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, "So...
   out looking for a little, huh ?"
   She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of that with you. I'm
   out looking for a lot !!!"


There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to
the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.

So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"


The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off.
She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes to
Little Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat
in the front yard. 

She walks in the house and screams to his father "Your son!
Your son! He cussed in the school and he's being
carnal with a goat in the front yard!" 

Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling,
"Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!"


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