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Today's jokes [10.21.09]

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Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady
of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I
heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. 

"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,
"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a
contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?" 

1. 




Academy of Mudgeology



Some selections from our catalog: Course number/Title/(Days/Time)

MUS147  HOW TO HUM: LECTURE AND LAB (MW 10:00-10:50)
HIS024  U.S. HISTORY SINCE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO (TH 12:00-1:15)
GEO222  COUNTRIES THAT ARE ORANGE ON MAPS (MWF 2:00-2:50)
ENG537  SURVEY IN ENG LIT: SIR FRANCIS BACON AND LORD HENRY SAUSAGE
        (MWF 9:00-11:15)
POLS834 U.S. DOMESTIC POLICY: IF FROGS COULD VOTE (TH 1:30-2:45)
ANT248  AMISH PARTY GAMES (W 6:00-8:15)
FR106   ELEMENTARY FRENCH TOAST (MW 8:00-8:50)
COM193  TOPICS FROM "GREEN ACRES": LIFE AND TIMES OF MR. HANEY
        (TU 7:00-9:15)
HIS456  THE HISTORY OF SOUP (TH 9:30-10:45)
CHE546  THE SCIENCE OF PLAY-DOH (MWF 10:00-10:50)
PHI101  THE RAMBLINGS OF DEAD, DRUNKEN PHILOSOPHERS
        (MWF 9:00-9:50)
ARC555  ARCHITECTURE OF THE BRADY BUNCH HOME
        (WTBS 4:35-5:05)
MOO108  THE BOVINE ERA, PART IV: COW HISTORY SINCE 1784
        (TH 5:30-7:15)
ENG327  SHAKESPEAREAN MEMOS, MENUS, AND GROCERY LISTS
        (TH 11:00-12:15)
ANT764  NOMADIC TRIBES OF SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA THAT ARE REALLY JUST LOST
        (MW 3:00-3:50)
MATH001 COMPREHENSIVE STUDY OF THE NUMBER SEVEN
        (TH 9:30-10:45)
POLS497 POLITICAL PARTY ETHICS (M 1:00-1:05)
ARC123  DESIGNING MODERN CITIES USING LEGOS (MWF 2:00-2:50)
MATH198 MATHEMATICS SO HARD THAT NO ONE CAN DO IT (W 6:00-8:30)
COM253  UNDERSTANDING THE PLOT TWISTS IN "MELROSE PLACE"
        (MTWTFSS 9:00-4:15)
A-S546  TOPICS IN MODERN ART: USING A LIVER AS A PAINT BRUSH
        (TH 3:00-4:15)
HPR314  BEGINNING YAHTZEE (MWF 1:00-1:50)
ENG893  THE ROMANTIC PROSE OF BARNEY FIFE (MWF 9:00-9:50)
PHY276  HYPNOTIZING YOUR PETS (TH 2:00-3:15)
TEL115  MUNSTERS/ADDAMS FAMILY: A COMPARISON STUDY
        (M 7:00-9:15)
ENG690  STOOGE CRITICISM: THE SHEMP YEARS  (MWF 10:00-10:50)

Thanks to stampo (genie.com)



2. 




A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled
with food if you should call."

3. 




   It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass
   in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
   
   He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
   grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously
   excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing
   the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
   
   The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play
   along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
   that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one
   of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear
   the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
   
   ... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell
   HIM you have a headache."
   


4. 




What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? 

    The Indy 500. 

5. 



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