Today's jokes [10.21.09]
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Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady
of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I
heard some of the older boys wagering money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.
"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,
"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a
contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"
"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"
"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."
"How much did you win?"
Academy of Mudgeology
Some selections from our catalog: Course number/Title/(Days/Time)
MUS147 HOW TO HUM: LECTURE AND LAB (MW 10:00-10:50)
HIS024 U.S. HISTORY SINCE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO (TH 12:00-1:15)
GEO222 COUNTRIES THAT ARE ORANGE ON MAPS (MWF 2:00-2:50)
ENG537 SURVEY IN ENG LIT: SIR FRANCIS BACON AND LORD HENRY SAUSAGE
POLS834 U.S. DOMESTIC POLICY: IF FROGS COULD VOTE (TH 1:30-2:45)
ANT248 AMISH PARTY GAMES (W 6:00-8:15)
FR106 ELEMENTARY FRENCH TOAST (MW 8:00-8:50)
COM193 TOPICS FROM "GREEN ACRES": LIFE AND TIMES OF MR. HANEY
HIS456 THE HISTORY OF SOUP (TH 9:30-10:45)
CHE546 THE SCIENCE OF PLAY-DOH (MWF 10:00-10:50)
PHI101 THE RAMBLINGS OF DEAD, DRUNKEN PHILOSOPHERS
ARC555 ARCHITECTURE OF THE BRADY BUNCH HOME
MOO108 THE BOVINE ERA, PART IV: COW HISTORY SINCE 1784
ENG327 SHAKESPEAREAN MEMOS, MENUS, AND GROCERY LISTS
ANT764 NOMADIC TRIBES OF SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA THAT ARE REALLY JUST LOST
MATH001 COMPREHENSIVE STUDY OF THE NUMBER SEVEN
POLS497 POLITICAL PARTY ETHICS (M 1:00-1:05)
ARC123 DESIGNING MODERN CITIES USING LEGOS (MWF 2:00-2:50)
MATH198 MATHEMATICS SO HARD THAT NO ONE CAN DO IT (W 6:00-8:30)
COM253 UNDERSTANDING THE PLOT TWISTS IN "MELROSE PLACE"
A-S546 TOPICS IN MODERN ART: USING A LIVER AS A PAINT BRUSH
HPR314 BEGINNING YAHTZEE (MWF 1:00-1:50)
ENG893 THE ROMANTIC PROSE OF BARNEY FIFE (MWF 9:00-9:50)
PHY276 HYPNOTIZING YOUR PETS (TH 2:00-3:15)
TEL115 MUNSTERS/ADDAMS FAMILY: A COMPARISON STUDY
ENG690 STOOGE CRITICISM: THE SHEMP YEARS (MWF 10:00-10:50)
Thanks to stampo (genie.com)
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled
with food if you should call."
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass
in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously
excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing
the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play
along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one
of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear
the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell
HIM you have a headache."
What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
The Indy 500.
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