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Today's jokes [10.18.09]

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Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a 
secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no 
to everything."
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the
level about this."

1. 




   After many months of trying to make ends meet, one California couple
   decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to
   have the old lady start hooking.
   
   Early the next morning the wife comes home looking very haggard and
   worn out. The husband guiltily asks how she did, and the wife replies
   that she earned four hundred dollars and ten cents.
   
   "That`s great!" the husband replies. "But who gave you the ten cents?"
   
   "Everybody!" replied the wife.
   


2. 




An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front
porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy
godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be
granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really
rich."

** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful
princess."

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of
them.

"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than
anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten.  With a smile that makes her knees weak,
he saunters across the porch in his catlike way and whispers in her
ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered, aren't you?"



3. 




Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw. 

4. 




A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating.
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are
all berry hungry."
The waitress begs the question, "So, how is whacking-off in
the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"
One of the other Japanese men replies,
"The menu say,FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"


5. 



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